In a world that prides itself on progress and inclusion, certain outdated biases persist, often lurking beneath the surface of casual remarks. One such phrase, frequently uttered with a tone of derision, is the assertion that an older woman in a relationship with a younger man «could be his mother.» This seemingly innocuous comment encapsulates a deeply entrenched societal prejudice—one that subjects women to scrutiny while affording men far greater leniency.
Double Standards in Perception
The irony is palpable. When a man dates a significantly younger woman, he is often celebrated—hailed as charming, powerful, or simply enjoying the perks of success. Yet, when the roles are reversed, society reacts with skepticism, ridicule, or even outright disdain. The more traditional a culture, the more pronounced this bias becomes. In China, where Confucian values still influence social dynamics, rigid expectations about gender roles persist. However, similar attitudes are not exclusive to the East; they are echoed in Western societies as well, particularly when it comes to high-profile relationships.
A Reflection of Cancel Culture?
At first glance, such remarks may not seem like a product of cancel culture. After all, no one is being publicly shamed or ostracized. However, upon closer inspection, these attitudes serve as a form of social cancellation—an implicit way of dictating who «belongs» in a relationship and who does not. As discussed in debates on cancel culture, the power of public opinion can be weaponized to invalidate personal choices. This is precisely what happens when older women in relationships are subjected to mockery while older men are normalized or even idealized.
Cancel culture, as explored in various critiques, often aims to hold people accountable for their views or actions. In its more radical forms, it suppresses discourse rather than fostering meaningful dialogue. In this case, it reinforces archaic notions and pressures individuals to conform to outdated expectations—or risk becoming the target of societal disapproval.
Cultural Lag and the Need for Re-evaluation
The broader issue here is what sociologists call cultural lag—the delay between societal advancements and shifts in collective mentality. While legal and structural progress may have been made in gender equality, personal attitudes often lag behind.
This particular incident serves as a reminder that true progress is not just about what laws dictate or what institutions endorse. It’s about challenging ingrained biases at the individual level. The question remains: will we continue to let these prejudices shape our perceptions, or will we actively work to dismantle them? If cancel culture has taught us anything, it is that scrutiny should apply not just to those in the public eye, but to the unconscious biases that shape everyday interactions.
Ultimately, the challenge is not merely to avoid offensive remarks but to foster a society where such prejudices are obsolete. In that sense, perhaps it is time we start «cancelling» outdated mindsets rather than individuals.
Maybe the root of canceling isn’t just a judgment of someone’s behavior, but also a reflection of a complex dynamic of frustration. The person doing the canceling may feel an underlying dissatisfaction when seeing someone achieve a level of social and economic power that they cannot attain, perhaps due to their youth or lack of experiences that only time can provide. Instead of admiring the success and growth of that individual, it can turn into a destructive impulse, unable to recognize that such power is only acquired with age. This frustration, disguised as social justice, could be a key factor fueling the phenomenon of cancel culture.
Ultimately, no one has the right to judge the choices of others, especially when these judgments are rooted in superficial or outdated perceptions. Each individual’s path is shaped by their unique circumstances, experiences, and desires, and as such, the personal choices they make—whether in relationships, careers, or any other aspect of life—belong solely to them. To judge someone based on arbitrary standards, particularly those influenced by age, gender, or social expectation, is not only unjust but also diminishes the richness of human diversity. Society must learn to recognize that such biases do not reflect the full complexity of human experience. Instead of passing judgment, we should focus on fostering respect, acceptance, and understanding for the personal journeys of others. Only then can we create an environment where everyone, regardless of age, gender, or background, is free to make their own choices without fear of condemnation.
@Yolanda Muriel 
yolandamuriel.com 